These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling)
collected by schools from all over the country (UK).

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E.
today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had
her shot.

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he
fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose

11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had
(diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had
diarrhea and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping
because I don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found
it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to
attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She
spent a weekend with the Marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold
and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed
with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever,
sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also
sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever
and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and
fever. There must be something going around, her father even got
hot last night.

24. Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday.
His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in
bed with the doctor.